Thursday, January 12, 2006

Sam Alito, Springsteen Fan

I tried to stay out of this. Honest. I did. Hard for me to do, as a former Democratic consultant.

Do I get an A for my efforts at trying to avoid the topic?

I... did... not... want... to... blog... about... this!

But I have to.

This week, every Republican I know has e-mailed me, linking to this story from the Associated Press (I got my copy for this post from Backstreets, but it's everywhere), revealing to the world that Samuel Alito is a Springsteen fan. And a marksman.

I grew up hunting, so I'd actually like all those Republicans who e-mailed me to know that yes, contrary to popular belief, liberal Democrats can also be marksmen. They even hunt. I have some wonderful venison recipes if you'd like to trade.

Quick note to my Republican friends: I read the clip. You can stop e-mailing copies to me. Why did every single one of you link to the Philly Inquirer's version of the story, by the way? What, the Washington Post's AP cut wasn't good enough? How about the Chicago Tribune's version? The Trib is a Republican paper, last I checked. It's an Associated Press blurb, you know? In other words, virtually identical versions of the same article.

So, hey, Sam, you and I have 2 things in common. Maybe 3. You're from the Jersey side of Philly, so I'm guessing you also like a good cheesesteak. Right on! But you're probably an Eagles fan, too.

Then again, so am I. Boston College had a great season this year.

Oh, right. Your Eagles didn't make the playoffs, and their fans threw snowballs at Santa. But my Eagles won a bowl game. Again.

Back to this Springsteen thing for a minute: You know that Bruce campaigned for John Kerry, right?

In other words, the opponent of the guy who nominated you to the Supreme Court had Bruce on his team. I have pictures if you want them.

I saw Bruce play in Boston twice last year. John Kerry was there both nights. Huge ovations to rattle the rafters, both evenings. I don't know where W was, but it wasn't Boston. Maybe he was taking another vacation on the ranch in Crawford. He seems to do that a lot. Too bad, he missed a couple of great shows.

Come to think of it, I also saw Bruce play in Albany and Providence last year. The four concerts together made my list of highlights of 2005. I think it was number 9 on the list.

Albany was a fabulous show. Bruce played "Spare Parts." I don't want to offend your Catholic sensibilities, but I'm Catholic, too, so I'll risk offending yours.

"Spare Parts." You know that one, right, Judge? It's from Tunnel of Love.

Starts out (and this is the part where I don't want to offend your Catholic sensibilities):

"Bobby said he'd pull out Bobby stayed in
Janey had a baby it wasn't any sin"

I'm guessing that even though you went to Princeton, you've been around the block a few times, so you know what Bruce meant about pulling out and staying in. I don't have time to draw you a picture, and even if I did have time, I don't really want to draw it.

I think you should listen to "Spare Parts" a few dozen times before you vote to overturn a certain 1973 decision your would-be brethren made (8 years before there were any women on the court, by the way, so good for them). Come to think of it, you could also listen to "The River," the song, not the album... You know what part I mean, right?

"Then I got Mary pregnant
and man that was all she wrote
And for my nineteenth birthday I got a union card and a wedding coat
We went down to the courthouse
and the judge put it all to rest
No wedding day smiles no walk down the aisle
No flowers no wedding dress"

You'll understand that this isn't really my right, but I don't ever want to get into the business of telling women what they can do with their own bodies. If I were to do that, every woman I know, even the conservatives, would tell me where to go and how to get there. They'd even help me.

If men could get pregnant, this wouldn't be an issue, because nobody would be debating whether a constitutional right to abortion exists. They'd have included that one back in 1787. In Philly, where you hold court now.

I give you points for loving Bruce and for hunting. Which means you can't possibly be the demon some of my fellow liberals are claiming you are.

But then again, you lose points for that comb-over. You're bald. Deal with it and move on. I did. The saint likes bald men (at least, she likes this bald man).

Anyway, since we're both Springsteen fans, and since we both like to shoot, I just wanted to ask you to listen to "Spare Parts" and "The River" before you vote on that case you seem hellbent on overturning.

Oh, while we're talking about Bruce's music, Judge, do you have the 30th Anniversary Born to Run box set yet? You might want to go get that. It'll help you unwind after a grueling day with Kennedy and Biden. "Kitty's Back" is worth every penny of the cover price, and Clarence's sax solo on "Jungleland" is otherworldy.


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